Once More With Kauri?
by Rostand
Summary: How the ending of the musical episode should have gone!


Once More With . . . Kauri? Once More With . . . Kauri? **Kauri**

**Author's Note:** I watched Once More With Feeling again today, and was thinking about the "I've got a theory" song and dance. What if Willow's theory was closer to the truth, about "some kid is dreaming and we'll all stuck in this Broadway nightmare"? What if it was because of . . . a fanfic! So that was the basis of this story. That and my inherent evilness and the appeal of zoot suits. So. It starts from after Buffy's dance-till-ya-drop bit with the spiffy riff, and the demon has just asked who summoned him if Dawn didn't. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Scoobies, with their lips as red as rubies and their firm yet supple tight embrace! Ahem. Or the dancing demon . . . no something isn't right there. Damn these breakaway pop hits. 

Everyone looked at each other. Xander timidly raised his hand. "Uh . . . I did?" 

"Xander!" Anya exclaimed. 

"I thought—" Xander's explanation was cut short by a female voice from the balcony above them. 

"Wait!" There was a loud crash above them as if from several boxes and tins being knocked over by a sudden movement and a moment later, a girl appeared at the railing. "It wasn't Xander!" She hopped over the edge and landed more or less on her feet, but overbalanced backwards. She managed to save herself with a semi-graceful back extension to land on her feet. She dusted off her jeans quickly and scurried forward. She was wearing dark blue curvy jeans and a black t-shirt with the slogan "Heaven kicked me out and Hell is afraid I'll take over" emblazoned on it. She was of medium height with short curly brown hair. Her eyes were hazely-blue behind silver-rimmed glasses, perched on a tiny nose. Everyone stared at her and she blushed to her pointy ears. 

"Curiouser and curiouser," the demon murmured, eyebrow raised. "Sing us a song, little girl." 

Music swelled and the Scoobies all rolled their eyes. The girl narrowed hers and flicked a hand. The music abruptly stopped. Everyone's, including the demon, jaws dropped and she shrugged. "What?" 

"You shook off my music." the demon said flatly. 

"Ah well." She said nonchalantly "Anyway, my point is, Xander didn't summon you." 

"I didn't?" Xander said. "But—" 

She flicked a hand again. "You did the invocation wrong. The demon you actually did summon is a hell of a lot nastier than this guy here. Right up your alley, most likely. Big, ugly son of a bitch that likes to rip the heads off things. I kind of . . . diverted him, and picked up this guy here." 

"Why?" Buffy asked. 

The girl grinned. "Entertainment purposes. You folks are a hot commodity where I come from. You've built up a huge fan base. Especially Spike, there." 

"That guy?" Xander snorted. 

The girl nodded. "Hell yeah. There's a huge demand for Spike/Xander pairing fics." 

The vamp and the human looked at each other and shuddered. The girl continued thoughtfully, "Some of them actually aren't half-bad. I read one that involved an exercise bike, a tub of butter, and Spike's leather coat—" 

"Enough!" Buffy said. "Why are you here?" 

The girl blinked. "Oh yeah. So. I was writing you all a musical number. The original ending was going to be good, with Xander admitting that and the demon leaving and having you sing a last song. Giles had a good line. 'We kind of won/So we sound our victory cheer'. It was good. But I liked the demon too much. And the whole 'bring whole cities to ruin' thing sounds appealing." She smiled laviciously. "So whadda ya say, sweet cheeks? You did need a queen and I'm single. And evil." 

"Let me think about this." the demon said. "You did summon me, you're powerful, and you're evil. Plus a good singing voice." He grinned. "You got yourself a deal." He held out a hand and the girl glided up the stairs to take it. 

"You got a name?" 

"Call me Prosperpine." She grinned. 

"Hey, I'm no Hades." 

"Then my name's Kauri." She waved a hand in the general direction of the Scoobies. "Let's blow this popsicle stand. But first . . ." She leaned over and whispered in his ear. 

"Good idea," he said, nodding, when she had finished. "You want to take it?" 

"Sure." She turned towards the Usual Gang of Idiots. "Big smiles everyone, you beat the bad guy. 'What a lot of fun, you guys have been real swell. And there's not a one who can say this ended well — all those secrets you've been concealing, say you're happy now, once more with feeling. Now I gotta run, see you all in hell!'" 

Both of the figures dissolved into smoke and spiraled away. There was a long awkward silence. Then Dawn stepped forward. 

"'Where do we go from here . . .'" 

***** 

Somewhere in an untold Hell dimension, the zoot suited demon was stretched out on a divan-like throne. Kauri was curled up against his side, wearing a black jeans, a tight long-sleeved blue shirt, and a silver and sapphire pentagram pendant. 

"What is your name, anyways?" Kauri asked. 

He shrugged. "Been called so many things, don't really have one." 

"Can I call you Mephistopheles?" 

"Why?" 

She shrugged. "In my home dimension there's a musical called Cats, and one of the cats is named Mephistopheles or close to it." 

"What ever you wish, darling. You know, this bride thing has never worked out before," he commented. 

"Really? Why not?"

"Every time I'm summoned, the girl either weasels her way out on a technicality, or it's a guy, or they kill themselves once they get here." 

"I don't see why," Kauri said. "It's actually quite a nice hell dimension." 

"Why thank you, my dear," he said. "They're turned off my the evilness of my pursuits." 

"Aww, poor baby," she replied sarcastically. "At least you've got me now." 

One of the marionette-men came running up. "Master, you've been invoked!" 

Mephistopheles sighed. "Sorry, babe, duty calls." He got up and moved to follow the henchman. 

"Can't I come?" she asked plaintively. 

He turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Really?" 

"A chance to cause pain and suffering and be greatly amused at the same time? Hell yeah!" 

A grin curled his lips. "Let's get going then." 

She bounced up and hooked an elbow through his arm. "Les-babe, I think this is the start of a beautiful partnership." 

The two materialized in the middle of a small, medieval-age village that was almost deserted. None of the villagers noticed them, but Kauri was looking around with bright interest. She noted a couple snogging under the eaves of a building, an old woman sweeping out her doorstep, a group of shrieking children, a beggar, and a young man staring forlornly at something across the street from a window. She followed his line of vision and grinned. 

"Sweet, why don't we start with him?" 

The demon looked where she was pointing imperiously, and his lips curled up in an evil smirk. "Looks good to me. Unrequited love?" 

"For him or for her?" Kauri giggled. "Either way, this should be good . . ." 

****** 

With the removal of the claiming of the bride clause from the invocation, Sweet (and consequently Kauri), became almost impossible to remove from a location until they got bored. One couldn't really call it a reign of terror . . . more like a light shower. But Sweet and his demon bride wreaked musical havoc on the unsuspecting world, or worlds, until the end of their days, when they accidentally stepped into Apocalypse and were incinerated by a passing myrmidon of DOOM. **FIN**


End file.
